I'm sorry, this is a very long post full of nothing but ranting so feel free to just click right back off....

Thursday

Having already watched the health and safety video and had it drummed into me several times how to correctly lift a box (and more importantly when to not even attempt it) I found myself in the store room all alone with 25 boxes, most of which were almost as big as me. My mission: to unpack all of the clothing, security tag it, hang it and steam it, ready for the shop floor. My brand new concession would be opening at 9am on Saturday. Okaaaay.

“Where would you like me to hang it?” I said.
“Anywhere you can find some space. There’s some here, and here, and a bit down there…” said Mr Second Floor Manager.

Somewhere amongst those 25 boxes were some boxes of coat hangers, which I obviously had to locate first. And as the boxes were stacked three or four high, it was inevitable that the ones I needed would be at the bottom. As I set about my task I was aware that I was in full view of the security camera and so expected someone to come waltzing in and tell me off – or at least offer to help. Alas, Mr Health and Safety must have been eating his sandwiches or picking his nose because he never came.

Pushing the top boxes off onto the floor to get to the lower ones was easy enough, but once I’d located some of the hangers there was no way I could stack the boxes back up again…which made for a very messy store room.

“Look at the state of this place!” said Miss Top Brand Label.
“I’m sorry about that. I can’t stack the boxes back up. Could you possibly…”
“And why are you using my rail?” (grabbing all my hung clothes and dumping them on the floor.) “We need this space…you’ll have to put it somewhere else.”

…a little later…

“Sorry…I need this rail space…I have a delivery,” said Mr Menswear.
“But Mr Second Floor Manager said that I could put…”
“I don’t care what he said” (dumping the clothes on the floor).

Friday

I started steaming the clothes when suddenly someone waltzed in and unplugged the steamer, telling me it was against company procedure because I hadn’t been trained how to use it.
“But Mr Second Floor Manager told me these clothes have to be on the shop floor by tomorrow morning, ready to sell.”
“I’m sorry. My department is Health and Safety. You can’t use it.”

So I called the Second Floor Manager who said he’d try and sort something out.

…a little later…

“There’s a call for you, Elaine” said Ms Office Person, handing me a phone. It was my Concession Manager, in London.
“How’s it going?”
“It’s a bloody nightmare. Blah blah blah. No steamer. Blah Blah.”
“Forget about steaming it. Just get it tagged.”
“Okay. There is another problem. I’ve noticed that none of the clothes are priced.”
“You’re kidding me.”
“Nope.”
“Shit.”
“Shit indeed.”
“I’ll bring down the price tags tomorrow lunch time and we’ll just have to open a day later.”
“Will that be ok?”
“Of course. It’s my concession.”

…a little later…

“All ready to open tomorrow?” said Mr Store Manger.
“We’re opening a day later because the clothes aren’t priced. They’re arriving at lunch time tomorrow.”
“You need to get those clothes down there now ready for the morning.”
“But how can I sell with no prices?”
“Don’t worry about that. Just get them out there.”
“But I was told the Visual Merchandiser is doing the display tomorrow.”
“This is my store and I want you OPEN tomorrow at 9. You’ll have to display it this afternoon.”
“I really don’t think it’ll all be ready. The shop fitters are still down there and they won’t be finished until late tonight.”
“Then you’ll have to come in at 7.30 in the morning.”

Saturday

“Why have you got your handbag in the store room,” said First Floor Manager.
“Because I haven’t got a locker. They haven’t got any spare ones.”
“Then you have to leave it in the office.”
“I know, but the office was closed when I came in at 7.30.”
“You’re not allowed in here at 7.30. Only Managers can come in at that time.”

“Get those rails on the shop floor!” said Mr Store Manager.
“You can’t move that rail on your own” said Mr Health and Safety.
“Look at the state of these clothes,” said Mr Store Manager. Why aren’t they steamed?
“How much is this?” said Customer One.
“You need to tidy the store room.” said second Floor Manager.”
“Why didn’t you wait for the Visual Mechandiser?” said Concession Manager.
“Why haven’t we got our own till?” said me.
“You have to use the till in Young Fashions said Deputy Manager.”
“You can’t put your carrier bags here,” said Young Fashion Manager, “there’s no room. You’ll have to find another till.”
“I want to buy this,” said Customer Two. How much is it.”
“It’s £129.00” said Concession Manager (looking through a price sheet).
“Great, I’ll have it.”

…at another till…

“Can you put this sale through for me please?” said me.
“Why can’t you do it?” said Snotty, snooty, Miss Country Living.
“I haven’t been given a till card yet”

…tutting…

“There’s no barcode,” she said.
“I know. You have to do it manually.”
“What’s your department number?”
“No idea.”

...after much fuss and tutting…

“The security tag won’t come off. This is different to ours. You’ll have to find another till.”

Customer walks off.

At the end of the day…and after many more hassles....

“Elaine, can you tidy the store room please,” said Mr Second Floor Manager.
“Sure.”
“Where are you going Elaine?” said Mr Store Manager.
“To tidy the store room.”
“A customer is FAR more important than a messy store room. Now let me give you a few customer service tips.”

I THINK YOU NEED SOME FUCKING TIPS ON HOW TO MANAGE A FUCKING DEPARTMENT STORE AND ITS STAFF, YOU ASSHOLE.

Tell me they’re just teething problems….pleeeeeease.