Work, Innovation and Art

My frustration with work has been rapidly snowballing over the past few days and now I could open a fucking ski resort the situation is nothing short of incorrigible. On top of everything, yesterday afternoon I discovered that my colleague – who works the opposite shift to me – is being paid almost 30% more than me. We have the same skills, work the same job and started at the same time. To say that I’m not a ‘happy bunny’ is putting it mildly. I did question whether I’d be any happier at work if they actually offered me a pay rise, but I knew what the answer was before I even had to think it out.

No.

That doesn’t mean to say I’m not gonna fight for what I’m worth because I’m set on getting every last penny out of them, but there isn’t any amount of cash which could possibly make up for being employed by a bunch of patronising, pompous, incompetent tossers.

I did question whether there was a chance - an extremely unlikely one mind you - that there could be something wrong with me. Maybe my expectations are always too high? Perhaps I’m just a natural born whinger? But I’ll be covering two of my colleague’s shifts next week while she’ll be sloping off for a couple of secret interviews. She’s had enough of the place as well, which makes me feel slightly better about the amount of moaning I’ve been doing of late. And believe me…I could moan from now right into next week about it all.

Bearing in mind that my colleague will probably be successful in one of her interviews and is planning on leaving without giving any notice, where are our contracts, assholes? I know they’ll be calling on me for cover until they replace her. And that’s why I’ve been frantically job hunting for most of the morning. I actually should have been working today, but for reasons I won’t even bother to bore you with, my boss suddenly decided to change my shifts - just as I was slipping into my work clothes and getting ready to leave.

So…what tasty, nuggety jobs did my online search of ‘situations vacant’ pull up?

Not much at all to be honest....but there was this one:

Females with big feet, UK size 8 and upwards wanted for foot modelling. We focus on feet only (pictures/clips) and will pay £50 an hour plus expenses. If you are interested, please reply with feet measurements length/width and some photos of your feet.

Bloody hell. £50 an hour!

For a moment I got all excited: huge cash rewards for huge feet! But then, after I read it again, I realised that for the first time in my entire life my feet are actually too bloody small.

I could have wallowed in self pity. I could have read up about discrimination legislation in the UK and logged my complaint. But because I’m an innovative kind of girl, I didn’t do any of those things.

Instead, dear readers, I’m offering you the once in a lifetime opportunity to purchase some lovely pictures.

I never did understand why someone would pay three and a half squillion quid for a picture painted by an elephant, or what possessed someone to buy a Vincent Van Gogh portrait ‘sans beard’ for seventy one and a half million (in which he looks truly horrid). But understanding that ‘the mysterious is the source of all art’, today, I offer you – in the name of art – original photographs of my feet.

Clever, huh?

I haven’t set a price because I truly believe that beauty (and solvency) is in the eye (or the pocket ) of the beholder. But as a guideline, I would expect my bare feet pictures to sell for far more than those which are covered in fruit salad or cling film – due to the fact that bearing my sole soul warrants more money.

Click it. You know you want to.....